In times like this, we need to remember that we cannot control the situation but we can choose how to perceive it.  For instance, the term “Social Distancing” sets us up for a negative mindset of perceived social isolation when really we should be “socially connecting while physically distancing.”  When you flip to this mindset and perception, it is easier to see the opportunities for connection.

Singles looking to meet other singles still have options despite the stay at home suggestion!  In fact, I personally believe this is the absolute best time for singles to be dating, virtually that is!   Keep using your favorite dating app or try out a few new ones to find new potential dates.  Learn how to virtually date “like a pro,” using the suggestions below. 

There is a hidden benefit to virtual dating during the pandemic.  It forces you to slow dating down and actually take the time to get to know someone and form a connection before you  “go out” or meet face to face. In many ways, the pandemic is the antidote to casual hookups and may even result in more healthy relationships forming during this time of physically distancing!  

For virtual first dates, I recommend having a brief, virtual “meet and greet.”  This is what us matchmakers refer to as “Screen in Fifteen.”  Consider a virtual “coffee date” to get to know each other using a video chat platform.  

Here are some pointers:

• Arrange a Video Chat: Text or have a brief call to arrange the video chat.  Use your preferred method: Skype, Facetime, Google Hangouts, Zoom, Facebook Messenger, etc...  You just have to agree on which one.
• Use a laptop (not mobile phone) and check out the angle (you don’t want someone peering up at your chin).
• Test out your preferred video dating method in advance: Make sure you have a strong internet connection and good audio quality; there are always glitches, even in 2020.
• Ensure good lighting: If possible, use natural light from a window. If using light from your home, then make sure it is not too dark or too strong.  In either case, make sure you are not in a halo or shadow. Light in front of you at a 45 degree angle is probably best, but test it out! It makes a difference.
• Dress to impress:  Looking your best is part of the dating process.  Your best self is more likely to shine through when you are looking your best.  The hidden benefit is that when you dress up, you feel good about yourself and it increases confidence.
• Look at the camera:  This is the equivalent of eye contact!  (Don’t forget to smile!)
• Be prepared: Have a story or topic that you can discuss if there is a lull in conversation. You won’t have your surroundings to make small talk.  Suggestion: You can also use the “36 Questions to Fall in Love” from the New York Times article.  
• Keep expectations low.  You can get a feel for someone over video chat, but keep in mind it is not always going to be a full representation of the person.  Don’t expect chemistry to show up on the first video date. If you feel neutral about the date, simply give that person another chance and ask for a second date.
• Make plans:  Always make plans for your second video date before you end the first one.  This will help to limit the “when should I call again?” game that goes on in our heads. 
• End “your screening” in 15 minutes: Keep the first conversation brief.  Most people get nervous or feel awkward on first dates already!  Adding the video component may be easy for some people, but try to understand that not everyone will feel comfortable on a video chat date.  You can have a longer second date, just think of it as baby steps.   
  
  
  

If video chatting is something new for you, you may experience a little bit of camera anxiety or technology anxiety.  I highly recommend you try it out a few times with friends first to get comfortable being on camera and to make sure you know how to use the video platforms properly before your first virtual date! 

For more tips, check out this video from youtube:

Want to learn more? 

​Learn more with my Relationship Readiness Program!  Whether you are newly single or have been single for a while, this 12 week program is designed to help you learn how to present the very best version of your authentic self, increase confidence, decrease your fears of rejection, set realistic expectations, brush up on your flirting and dating skills and finally learn how to attract the person you desire without settling!  

​Schedule your FREE 15 minute Clarity Call via Live Video to learn more!  
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​Have fun virtually dating!

Regards,

Once upon a time, a cow went out to graze in the jungle.
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Suddenly, she noticed a tiger racing towards her. She turned and fled, fearing that at any moment the tiger would sink his claws into her. The cow desperately looked for someplace to escape and at last, saw a shallow pond. Barely evading the tiger’s reach, she jumped into the pond, and in the heat of the chase, the tiger blindly leaped after her.

Dr. John Gottman’s empirically-based theory, the Sound Relationship House, describes what couples in the good healthy relationships do and have.   They have built their relationship foundation by building their love maps, they share fondness and admiration, they turn towards each other instead of away, they maintain a positive perspective, know how to manage conflict, they make life dreams come true, they create shared meaning all within the walls of trust and commitment.  So what does all of this actually mean?
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So many people become caught up in the monotonous trap of existing through what they perceive life to be.  They wake up and start their normal routine; eat the same breakfast, take the same route to work, eat lunch at the same restaurant, finish work, take the same route home, have the same dinner, watch the same TV shows, sign on to the same website, go to sleep and wake up only to do it all over again the very next day.  Some people even consider themselves happy with the comfort of such a routine.  To this I have to ask:  when is the last time you laughed so hard it made you belly hurt? ​

Sometimes it’s not about who you have been in the past or even who you are today but more about who you want to become…

In this complicated world of dating and relationships I believe there are two very clear, black and white types of relationships.  I choose to define them in a very simple way at this point in my life…or maybe it’s just the cold medicine kicking in…LOL!

There are those people out there that help you.  People who are supportive in your decisions and life choices and inspire you to best the best person you can be. These are people you can count on, the ones that will always be there for you and put a smile on your face.​

A few days ago I signed up for  on line webinar for a life coaching class. One of the things they talked about is that a lot of us do not know how to say Thank you. We often feel guilty when someone gives us a compliment. Now we don’t think on the surface we feel guilty; it is mostly subconsciously. For example when someone says,” Hey you look great in that dress.” Most of us instead of saying thank you we will say something like,” OH I got it on sale or you would look better in it than me”. This is a pattern I think I have had all of my life. It stemmed from childhood poverty then adult insecurities left over from broken relationships. Somewhere along the line I never learned to just say Thank You! After that hour webinar I was so excited and told myself I would practice saying Thank you…

Learning to live is actually one of the greatest challenges we face as adults. So many times we get caught up in the monotonous routines of daily life we forget to stop and smell the flowers. Learning to live is learning to enjoy life in the present, to enjoy each spectacular moment. Each day is a blessing with thousands of hidden blessings within and it is our job to find those moments and appreciate each and every one of them. Getting stuck in worries and the “what if’s” or defining yourself through past relationships or experiences is like living with blinders on. Look around your world right now, today, this very moment and experience it. Use all of your senses to find those moments of bliss and take the time to actually FEEL it! See each beautiful object, listen to every magnificent note, touch all of life’s textures and taste the deliciousness of every bite.

Forgiveness is true freedom; most people define forgiveness through forgiving a person and/or their behavior. However there is so much more to forgiveness in order to find inner peace and have the ability to love once more. When you look deep into yourself and have the ability to forgive someone in this way, to be able to forgive yourself, you become less of a victim and you can open up your heart to someone else.

Anger is one of the phases of the grieving process. It is natural to become angry when you have lost something or someone which you truly loved. Anger in itself provides us with a way of becoming the victim and allows us not to have to take responsibility for our mistakes. In order to grow as a person we must learn how to take responsibility for our mistakes, learn from them and press on...

90 % of the single population have either been in or are presently in this emotional state – the emotional state of denial…
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The most common way of falling into a state of denial is by being single for a long period of time.  A long period of time could be 6 months or 10 years, this varies by individual.  Some people need more affection and to these people, a long period of time could be 3 months.  Regardless of the length of time someone is single, the result is always the same.  When someone is single for a long period of time, relatives, friends, neighbors and co-workers start asking them when they are going to find someone and settle down, when are they going to get married etc.  After a while we get tired of making excuses or admitting that we don’t know where to meet the right people.  In this day and age it’s easy to meet people but hard to meet quality people so it’s certainly not anything to be ashamed of.

Most people are familiar with Gary D. Chapman’s 5 Love Languages:  If you are not, I strongly suggest you take the time to learn and understand these as they are a great tool in understanding yourself and your relationships.
But what if there was a 6th Love Language?  Could Humor be the 6th Love Language?

In July of 2013 Gerald Rogers wrote a facebook post that wen’t viral with 138,971 likes, over 1000 comments which lead to several media stories and his book Marriage Advice I Wish I Would’ve Had:  What Divorce Taught Me about Love and Life which is available on Amazon!

This is a MUST READ for all, including my all ready amazing husband LOL

Some of the nicest people I have ever meet are caregivers.  You know the ones, always doing for others, typically putting their own needs aside.  When a caregiver chooses a career it tends to be one in something like social work, teaching, nursing etc.  They choose these career paths because it makes them feel good about themselves.  It gives them purpose.  When they fulfill that “need to be needed” in their career choice great things can be achieved.

We all have them, not all of us are able to admit to them! Once we are able to identify our fears then we have to ask ourselves are we ready to conquer them?  Until we make a concise decision to make a positive change in our life we are unable to move forward in a healthy direction.  

​Many people suffer greatly from the fear of REJECTION. This is very common in 90% of the single male population. With the fear of rejection comes shyness as well. Think about it why does that shy person sit alone in the corner at a party…they are afraid if they talk to someone “it will only result in yet another rejection.”  Most people who suffer from the fear of rejection have a very hard time meeting new people and do not often put themselves in social situations where they can meet new people.

So much can be said without saying a word.  Some research even suggests over 80% of what we communicate is non-verbal.  Understanding some of the key elements of basic body language can help you to date more successfully.  Becoming more aware of the body language you are putting out can help you with not only flirting but in attracting the right person by sending the appropriate signals.  Learning to interpret these unconscious indicators can take some of the guess work out of dating and help to determine if the feelings are mutual.

Many of us experience a “signal disconnect” at some point in our romantic relationships. It could be due to time restrictions, money issues, children and other family responsibilities, or a sense of monotony in the relationship. It’s likely that you still love and care for one another deeply, but have lost the direction to express that regularly. If you’re dealing with this loss of connection or closeness, also referred to as intimacy, in your relationship, here are 3 ways to get out of it.

Getting what you want is not always easy in life, love and relationships.  But it doesn’t have to be that difficult!  The biggest mistakes I see people make is that they are either setting their goals too small or having unrealistic expectations.  Look in the mirror.  Do you like what you see?  You have to love you first before you can truly love anyone else.  What do you have to offer?  Are you asking for more or less than you can bring to the table yourself?​