Unconscious Communication ~ Body Language

So much can be said without saying a word.  Some research even suggests over 80% of what we communicate is non-verbal.  Understanding some of the key elements of basic body language can help you to date more successfully.  Becoming more aware of the body language you are putting out can help you with not only flirting but in attracting the right person by sending the appropriate signals.  Learning to interpret these unconscious indicators can take some of the guess work out of dating and help to determine if the feelings are mutual.

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The number one thing to remember when studying body language is to look for clusters.  Don’t ever make an assumption based on one element of what you interpret someones body to be speaking.  Her arms may be crossed because she is actually cold.

We all know that maintaining eye contact is a good thing but while you are doing it there is one thing you should be paying attentions to, their pupils.  A good sign that someone is really interested in you is an increase in pupil size.  The eyes can’t lie.  I have yet to master the skill of regulating my pupil size and that is probably a good thing!

Look at where you are “pointing.”  When a you point your feet, toes, shoulders and even hips towards the other person this is saying you are interested in who they are and what they have to say.  This is giving them the green light to keep going.  If you see someone in a social setting and they are pointing towards you this means it is okay to approach especially when it is done after you have exchanged eye contact for 3-4 seconds.

Self grooming behaviors such as a women fixing her hair or a man picking a piece of lint off his shirt are also green lights.  It is human nature to want to look our best when we are with someone we feel attracted to.

Modeling or mirroring behavior is another good sign that shows interest.  When you catch someone following your positive body language it is definitely a plus.  Try this at work or at a social setting first to get a good feel for it.  If they place their hand on the table, wait 3-4 seconds and you place your hand on the table.  Keep mirroring hand placement and they will keep talking to you.

There are so many things you can learn about body language and the messages we are conveying.  Take the time to educate yourself and see what a difference it can make in your confidence, dating and relationships.

Most importantly, remember to smile.  We are all so much more attractive when we are smiling!

Examples from ABC News:

Do’s:

• Be self-aware. It’s the No. 1 most important fact to know what signals you are sending.

• Smile. It’s infectious.

• Hair flipping or primping is a known turn on. “We might be playing with our hair, but we’re really saying, look at me. Those are the little signals that hit off on a man’s paternal instincts,” she explained to “GMA.”

• Be more open.

• Be engaged.

• Stand tall and hold your head high.

• Look your interest in the eye and break eye contact by looking down and looking back up.

• Touch as often as possible on nonsexual areas.

• Wear natural scents such as vanilla and lavender.

• Expose your wrists — they are but one of several erogenous zones.

• Point your body in his direction.

•  Tilt your head to the left (studies show this is more sexually attractive).

• Nod your head when he is speaking.

Don’ts

• Limit texting, as it is a one-person sport.

• No sitting on your hands.

• Hunched shoulders are a turn off.

• Dart your eyes all over the room – it makes you look insecure.

• Cross your arms in front of your body (not only does it indicate you are defensive, but studies have found we absorb less information when we close  our body language).

• Keep your hands in your pockets.

• Stand with your legs crossed (scissor stand).

• Get too close until you gauge his interest.

• Don’t rub your hands together.

• Rub or touch your nose.

• Slouch in a chair.

He is interested if …

• He looks at you and his eyebrows go up – this indicates interest

• His pupils dilate (recognize lighting).

• His lips part slightly.

• He looks you up and down slowly.

• You are his sole focus of attention (you are the only one in the room, metaphorically).

• He touches himself, anywhere, while looking at you (runs his hands through his hair, fixes his socks, brushes his suit jacket, etc.).

• A shoulder flash (which is a speedy lifting of the shoulders) conveys interest by demonstrating harmlessness.

• Posturing — erect stance, chest out, shoulders back, stomach in.
• Leans his upper body toward you.

Regards,