After all, if I did not think I deserved to look nice or have the things I was complimented on then what would make someone else believe I deserved these things? I got up the next morning and walked through my day saying nice things to others and accepting compliments. I am doing good right? Well last night I see a friend in the grocery store. I never get to see Patti much anymore except on Face Book so when I saw her my face lit up and we hugged. We exchanged what had been going on in each others lives and then Patti does the THING.. Yep she said,” Michelle you look great! You look like a teenager”! What do I do? I immediately fall back into my old way of thinking and say, ” Why don’t I feel younger? I am sooo tired and she looked at me and said,” Even if you FEEL tired you still look GREAT so when someone tells you how great you look say Thank You! They will never know how you feel. This is when I realized The Law of attraction had kicked in! Patti was there to reinforce the promise I made to myself to love myself! I said you know what.. YOU ARE RIGHT! Thank you for reminding me of this!

I got home after the grocery store and all night I thought to myself what made me retreat back into THAT girl? Then it hit me.. I had seen my ex fiancé that use to constantly Knock me down and diminish my self worth.. I saw him early in the day as I was meeting a friend for lunch. Why did I let him have the power to do that to me? Well they teach you in order to clean the clutter out of your mind and environment you have to BELIEVE TO RECEIVE. Believe you deserve to be treated better. I woke up this morning feeling a lot better. I KNEW I had people in my life encouraging me along on my journey and supporting me. People who loved me and people who BELIEVED IN ME! After running several errands today I saw the Flower shop and I realized it was a sign to give back. I turned my car around and went inside and looked for the perfect gift to give my friend. I found some yellow roses. I then went to the school where my dear friend Patti works and gave her the flowers! Her face was one of confusion.. she looked at me and her eyes teared up she said,” Michelle why are you giving me flowers”? I said because I just listened to a class the other day on learning how to accept a compliment and I failed miserably when you complimented me. You for some reason KNEW what lesson I needed to learn and taught it lovingly and without judgment. Thank You for being MY friend and I hope these flowers make your day as special as you made mine. She hugged me and she said,” I am proud of all the changes you have made in your life and all the ones you are making now”. I looked at her and said “THANK YOU! You will never know how much your friendship has meant to me. We said our good byes and I walked to my car and all the way I felt this weight being lifted from my heart. Thank you Patti! Sending you my love…

For those of you out there struggling to make better choices in your life or just wanting some hope my advice is to start with what is in side you. Believe in YOURSELF and then you will attract all the things you want in your life. From every failure a success is created! Smooches to all…
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Thanks for the article Michelle! Good things are soon to come!!

​Regards,

MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD:

​Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had…

1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

8) Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.

Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.

But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

The woman that told him ‘I do’, and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.
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If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.

Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about. —  Gerald Rogers.

Simply amazing Gerald!   Thank you!

​Regards,

1. Find an interest or interest(s) to engage in together. This does wonders for bonding and really getting to enjoy some memorable life experiences jointly. Maybe, you can take turns on whose interest you will try from one week to the next. It is best NOT to choose ventures that your partner really doesn’t enjoy so your time together is anticipated rather than dreaded. Some common ones are shopping for many men and watching sports for many women. These are ideas to consider doing together that can be extremely intimate: cooking, light or heavy exercising (such as walking/running together), playing games (from board games to outdoor games, just have fun), traveling (locally and abroad are highly recommended), and having a light conversation over glasses of wine on the beach.

2. Prioritize your quality time together. It’s a challenge to feel close to your partner when your time with each other is mostly spent getting ready for work, at the dinner table, and getting ready for bed to do that whole process all over again. Like all important parts of our lives, it’s necessary to create space and time to enjoy your partner’s company. So, that may mean sending the kids to Grandma’s for the weekend or scheduling romantic dates around your busy schedules or even having weekly lunch dates at your favorite café. Whatever you require to be face to face without the distractions of life, make it happen.

3. Touch each other more! It is unfortunate that one of the best tools for creating connection is most often neglected when connection is lost. This is because many people don’t understand the incredible power of touch whether in a romantic or non-romantic fashion. An encouraging hand on the shoulder can calm a person’s anxiety about something. While a kiss on someone’s forehead can reaffirm that person’s care for them. It is a very effective way to express our wide range of emotions and energies. Therefore, I challenge you to touch your partner with love and affection and notice the change. You may try kissing, embracing closely and passionately, and massaging each other just to start.

Hopefully, this article motivates you to move towards a more intimate romantic partnership. You have the ability to grow closer by finding interests to engage in together, creating/scheduling the time to spend together, and touching each other in positive ways. Happy loving!

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