Denise Levy, BSW Life Coaching for Real Life
  • Home
    • Contact
    • Schedule Phone Clarity Call
    • Schedule Video Clarity Call
    • Blog
  • About
    • Coaching Philosophy
    • 1 to 1 Life Coaching
    • Reflection Journal
    • Praise
  • Schedule Session
  • 30 Day Self Care Challenge
  • Meditation
    • 90-Minute Private Zoom Meditation Session
    • Rest Relax Rejuvenate Restore Series
    • Group and Private Sessions
    • Meditation Groups for Mental Health and Substance Use
    • Zoom Meditation Group
    • Progressive Muscle Relaxation Exercise
    • Headspace Free Trial
    • Calm Free Trial
  • Resources
    • Life Balance Workbook
    • Finding Your Passion
    • Personality Assessments
    • Online e-Courses
    • Local NAMI Support Groups
  • For Couples
    • Relationship Coaching: The Seven Principles Program
    • The Gottman Relationship Checkup
    • Relationship Self Test
    • FREE Webinar The Predictors of Divorce
  • For Singles
  • Events
    • Miss MatchMaker's Event Photos
    • 30 Day Self-Care Challenge 2025
  • Life Planning & Goal Setting
  • How to Become Unstuck in Life & Find Your Motivation
  • Communication Skills & The Art of Effective Listening
  • Unveil Your Core Identity ~ An Introduction to YOUR Authentic Self!
  • Rest, Relax, ​Rejuvenate & Restore Series
  • Leave A Google Review

Relationships do fall apart:  Learn what you can do to enhance YOUR relationship!

3/25/2019

0 Comments

 
Picture
There are many reasons why relationships fall apart.  It typically happens when the friendship within the relationship has diminished.  You must repair your relationship before you can enhance it. Both you and your partner need to take the time to get to know each other again by learning about each other's world and asking and answering open-ended questions.  This is what Dr. John 

Gottman calls building Love Maps. We must truly know someone in order to love them fully, so the first step in enhancing your relationship is getting to know your partner all over again!

The next step in enhancement is to increase the levels of fondness and admiration in your relationship.  This is a crucial element to enhancing your relationship because remembering your partner’s positive qualities strengthens the bond between you, even as you are struggling with each other’s flaws.  In other words, focus on their positive traits and characteristics, not the negative ones. This is sometimes hard to do in a distressed relationship, but it is critical if you want to improve the relationship.

You can increase fondness and admiration by turning towards your partner instead of away.  This means we need to be able to recognize not only that “small things” matter, but also what those small things are in your relationship.  For example, when your partner goes to hold your hand what do you do? Do you take their hand? This is turning towards. Are you slow or reluctant to take their hand?  This is turning away. You must recognize these small things before you can enhance your connection.

Once you have learned how to recognize these small things, the romance in your relationship should start to bloom again.  Turning towards your partner and accepting their influence on you are both attitudes and skills which include trying to fulfill your partner’s wants, needs, and desires without sacrificing your own.  Rather than being annoyed and resistant to their needs, we need to learn how to honor them and find ways to say YES as much as possible. You have to give a little to get a little.

After that, we have to identify your relationship’s problems, determine which of them are solvable, and get to work solving them together as a team.  Problems which seem unsolvable, often times are. Don’t worry though, even happy relationships have these perpetual problems. Dr. Gottman’s research shows that 69% of all relationship problems are perpetual.  The key with perpetual problems is not to solve them, but to move them from gridlock to conversation.

Successful couples know how to discuss their problem productively.  Discussions should begin with a soft startup. When we bring up a problem with a tone of criticism or contempt, the discussion is doomed from the start.  We can complain, but please do not blame. Be clear and positive about what it is that you need, and share what you want, rather than what you don’t want.  You want to try to describe what is happening and try not to evaluate or judge.

Try the following statement:

“I feel ____________ about ______________ and I need _________________.”

The final step is to create shared meaning.  By doing so, both the individual and the relationship are honored.  As a couple moves through life, they have the chance to create and find meaning together while honoring their partner's personal values, hopes, and dreams as they change.

These are all steps to building what Dr. John Gottman refers to as a “Sound Relationship House” in his book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.  They are just a few of the items taught in the Gottman Seven Principles Program, A Couples Relationship Enhancement Program.

Regards,
Picture
Want to learn more?
Learn More About The Seven Principles Relationship Enhancement Program
0 Comments



Leave a Reply.

    Denise Levy, BSW Reflection Journal
    Denise Levy, BSW
    Schedule Session

    e-Courses

    Unveil Your Core Identity ~ An Introduction to YOUR Authentic Self!
    How to Become Unstuck in Life & Find Your Motivation
    Communication Skills & The Art of Effective Listening
    Life Planning & Goal Setting
    The Life Balance Workbook

    Archives

    May 2024
    April 2024
    March 2024
    February 2024
    April 2020
    December 2019
    March 2019
    July 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017

    RSS Feed

      Contact

    Submit
Schedule Session
Picture
Florida Certified Mental Health Professional 
Credential Number:  CMHP.0100116 
Certified Life Coach & Mentor
Certified Meditation Practitioner & Teacher

​(850) 684-5393

HOME
BLOG
e-COURSES
Schedule Session
Accepting New Clients Nationally via Secure Live Video!

​

Physical Locations by Appointment Only:
 225 Main Street, Suite 6
Destin, FL  32541
1913 Highway 87
​Navarre, Fl  32566
Copyright © 2024 Denise Levy, BSW, CMHP

Terms of Service & Privacy Policy 


Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture


Picture
Picture
For Media Requests Click Here
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
Denise Levy, professional Life coach
Picture
Picture
Picture
Picture
NON-MEDICAL/CLINICAL COACHING AND PARTICIPATION  DISCLOSURE:
The information, including but not limited to, text, graphics, images, workbooks and other material contained in our website, sessions, events, and workshops are for informational, psycho-educational and entertainment purposes only. The purpose of the information provided is to promote broad consumer understanding and knowledge of life and various relationship solutions and life situations. It is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified healthcare providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition or treatment and never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have encountered in our work here. Reliance on any information provided by Denise Levy, BSW and/or MMGC is solely at your own risk. Client waives any and all claims, damages, losses or causes of action against Denise Levy, BSW, and MMGC and its employees, agents, officers, and directors arising out of any the use of received information or attendance of events and indemnifies and agrees to hold Denise Levy, BSW and MMGC and its employees, agents, officers and directors harmless from any and all loss, cost, expense, damage, injury or claims of damage whatsoever resulting from any information, concepts, ideas, event attendance or products provided to Client.  For more information please view our Privacy Policy and Terms of Service.
  • Home
    • Contact
    • Schedule Phone Clarity Call
    • Schedule Video Clarity Call
    • Blog
  • About
    • Coaching Philosophy
    • 1 to 1 Life Coaching
    • Reflection Journal
    • Praise
  • Schedule Session
  • 30 Day Self Care Challenge
  • Meditation
    • 90-Minute Private Zoom Meditation Session
    • Rest Relax Rejuvenate Restore Series
    • Group and Private Sessions
    • Meditation Groups for Mental Health and Substance Use
    • Zoom Meditation Group
    • Progressive Muscle Relaxation Exercise
    • Headspace Free Trial
    • Calm Free Trial
  • Resources
    • Life Balance Workbook
    • Finding Your Passion
    • Personality Assessments
    • Online e-Courses
    • Local NAMI Support Groups
  • For Couples
    • Relationship Coaching: The Seven Principles Program
    • The Gottman Relationship Checkup
    • Relationship Self Test
    • FREE Webinar The Predictors of Divorce
  • For Singles
  • Events
    • Miss MatchMaker's Event Photos
    • 30 Day Self-Care Challenge 2025
  • Life Planning & Goal Setting
  • How to Become Unstuck in Life & Find Your Motivation
  • Communication Skills & The Art of Effective Listening
  • Unveil Your Core Identity ~ An Introduction to YOUR Authentic Self!
  • Rest, Relax, ​Rejuvenate & Restore Series
  • Leave A Google Review