Denial. It isn’t just a river in Egypt…

90 % of the single population have either been in or are presently in this emotional state – the emotional state of denial…
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The most common way of falling into a state of denial is by being single for a long period of time.  A long period of time could be 6 months or 10 years, this varies by individual.  Some people need more affection and to these people, a long period of time could be 3 months.  Regardless of the length of time someone is single, the result is always the same.  When someone is single for a long period of time, relatives, friends, neighbors and co-workers start asking them when they are going to find someone and settle down, when are they going to get married etc.  After a while we get tired of making excuses or admitting that we don’t know where to meet the right people.  In this day and age it’s easy to meet people but hard to meet quality people so it’s certainly not anything to be ashamed of.

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So we make excuses like:  I don’t need a man/woman, I don’t need the hassle, I prefer being single, I like being alone, I’m a confirmed bachelor, my job is more important to me, my children are more important to me, traveling is more important to me or I simply don’t have time to date.  Believe me there are plenty of excuses and I have heard them all, in fact I’ve even used some of them myself.

These are all invented excuses that we give to other people rather than having to admit that we do not have someone special in our life.  Unfortunately, if we say these things long enough, after a while, we start to believe them.  “If you lie long enough it becomes the truth.”  Of course, children, our career are important to us, but they are not excuses to stop wanting love and romance.  If anything, these things that are important in our life are enhanced by a good relationship.  Some people come in to my office and tell me that they don’t need anyone in their life.  Seriously!  Why would they take them time to fill out a profile, schedule an appointment and show up at my front door?

The second way we fall into this state of denial is what we call the “grieving phase.”  The break-up of a relationship or divorce is unfortunately just like death.  The stages or phases which you go through when someone dies are denial, anger, bargaining and than acceptance.  These are also the exact same phases which you go through when you break-up out of a marriage or relationship.  The third way you fall into a state of denial is obvious, of course, and that is actually losing someone you love to death.

Many single adults understand that they are in a state of denial and just need help in getting out of it.  They just need help in overcoming the problem.

Unfortunately, others do not even realize that they are in a state of denial.

Are you in a state of denial and if so, are you willing to do something about it?  Or are you too set in your ways or scared to do something about it?  Even though this is the most common problem we face, it is still hard to overcome…sink or swim my friends.

​Regards,