Caregiver Syndrome

Some of the nicest people I have ever meet are caregivers.  You know the ones, always doing for others, typically putting their own needs aside.  When a caregiver chooses a career it tends to be one in something like social work, teaching, nursing etc.  They choose these career paths because it makes them feel good about themselves.  It gives them purpose.  When they fulfill that “need to be needed” in their career choice great things can be achieved.

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Yet some caregivers carry that need to be needed into dating and relationships.  This is never a wise decision but it is their nature.  It helps them feel good about them self…and then, they end up feeling bad.

I could take a caregiver and place them in a room with 100 other people and the caregiver will automatically gravitate toward the one person in the room who is screwed up!  It is almost magnetic at times.    A caregiver is always is attracted to defective people and situations.  This is why they end up in bad or even abusive relationships.  Most of the time caregivers don’t even realize how much pain they have caused them self in their choices.

I see about 5 or 6 caregivers walk through my front door each week.  Most of them have had bad relationships in their past and many have been abused either emotionally or physically.  They are hesitant to make any decisions, move forward or try something new because they don’t even trust their own judgment anymore.

The reasons why caregivers come into my office is to break that vicious cycle, give themselves a chance at true love and being loved but most importantly, to stop the pain.  This however, is a hard thing for a caregiver to do because it means that they are now being taken care of instead of doing the care giving them self.

The first step in fixing a problem is recognizing that the problem does exist.  Next, is accepting it and preparing to do something positive to change the current situation.  The most important step is follow through.  Don’t just say you want to make changes, actually commit to doing something about it and then stick to it.  Don’t give up so quickly…

Sometimes it is nice to let others take care of you for a change!

​Regards,